Hey everyone! It's been about a month since I last updated and I wanted to let you guys know what I've been up to. But first, I wanted to share a bit about this blog's title. I've decided to try my best and introduce a different song with every blog post depending on what's been speaking to me. This blog's song is called "Casualty", the acoustic version, by a soul-pop band called Lawrence. Though this is not strictly a Christian song, as I was listening to the lyrics I realized how much the words reflected my faith and life. The chorus goes "When I'm losing the battle, you're just another casualty". Whenever I am struggling in my faith, or do not turn to God in times of need, my trust and relationship in God is the first casualty in my life. The song talks a lot about past flaws, insecurities, and brokenness that hold the singer back from "winning" the battle. Listening to the song throughout this month kept reminding that God calls us to "to put off your old self, which belongs to your former manner of life and is corrupt through deceitful desires" (Ephesians 4:22) and take up a new life in Jesus. With that in mind, I want to share a couple of testimonies from this month!
1) During one of the praise and prayer nights held at my church every Wednesday, a week after I had announced my missions trip, I laid down my uncertainty of committing to YWAM to God. Up until that point, I still had a lot of doubts that I would be able to commit such a large period of my life to the Lord and that I would be able to find a future career for myself after I come back. I brought these uncertainties to God and asked Him that even though my cup is so small, He would take everything and use it for His glory. As I finished praying, I felt convicted that once I had fundraised $550 (the amount required as a deposit before leaving) I would pay it immediately and commit to going no matter what. That very night after I went home, I checked how much I had fundraised and lo and behold, I had $580. I thanked God and deposited the money.
2) The next obstacle in my way was buying a plane ticket to the training site. I had saved up credits from a past cancelled flight to California years before and had planned to use that to my training site. However, the airlines continuously rejected my credit over and over again. After spending hours on the phone for 2 weeks, I had the genius thought of bringing this topic up to God. For some reason, I believed that this issue was too small to bring to God. However, after I lifted a prayer to God asking Him to help me secure my ticket to Chico, California (my training site), the next day the airline accepted my ticket!
3) My last testimony revolves around my church's praise and prayer. Every Wednesday this month, I attended a praise and prayer night, and every Wednesday this month I was confronted with a new fear, doubt, or worry about YWAM. But without fail, every Wednesday this month, God would provide peace, wisdom, and clarity to whatever I brought to Him. Last week especially, I noticed that these thoughts were becoming more and more intrusive and less coherent. I would start worrying that I wouldn't fit in with an older group of people, that I would be cut off from civilization, that I would be bored, deep in the forest. It wasn't until I took a step back from these thoughts that I realized that none of these thoughts held any logic or value. I knew none of my worries were true because I had spoken to a staff member recently, who answered all of the questions that came into my head. I recognized that these were spiritual attacks all trying to dissuade me from going on this missions trip. As I was praying last week, I became more convicted and confident that this was where God wanted me to be. If I was being pushed so hard by Satan to not go, I cannot imagine how terrified he must be of how God will use me in this next stage of my life.
To close off this blog, I just wanted to say thank you for reading through this hefty update. There were a lot of testimonies and many up's and down's to this month. I just wanted to emphasize that for anyone interested in supporting me that I would appreciate your prayer more than any financial support. I am 100% committed to paying for everything with everything that I own and giving it all to God. I would just love and really appreciate everyone's prayer, and my own prayer is that with how God has shown me such love and encouragement, that others would also feel encouraged and loved by God as well. I am not righteous or perfect in any way and any good qualities that you may think I have are just reflections of the Holy Spirit moving in me. If you have any questions or want to just talk to me feel free to reach out!
Love,
Heymin Jeong
P.S. A blessing from God! I finished my NAPLEX prep book this past weekend and will now be moving onto practice exams. Whoohoo
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